Let's talk about... equanimity!

At work and in life, when things get challenging, we sometimes lose our balance. We get angry, disappointed, sad, hopeless and so on. In other words, we lack of equanimity. But what is equanimity and how can we gain it back, once we have lost it?

In Buddhist context, equanimity is considered one of the four Immeasurables (Brahmaviharas), the other three are loving-kindness, joy, and compassion. They are called immeasurables because they are virtuous qualities that can be developed limitlessly. Now, isn't that beautiful?

Since they are highly correlated and co-dependent, they are always taught, trained and remembered together, as they benefit and strengthen each other. They provide a basis for the arising of wellbeing and flourishing, as well as prosocial behaviour, that is, caring about the welfare and rights of others, feeling concern and empathy for them, and acting in ways that are beneficial (for the self and others).

What is equanimity?

Equanimity is characterized by a calm, even, balanced state of mind in the midst of chaos or extreme opposites. It is the ability to keep impartiality and it is supported by the realization of the truth of impermanence and holding things in equal regard. This way, equanimity is producing eudaemonia (=flourishing/happiness), studies show that.

So how do we practice equanimity in the midst of extremes?

How can we keep balance, stay calm and grounded and manage to keep things in equal regards? How are we able to respond instead of react?

Being with what is, even with the challenging stuff, is like a muscle, we can train. If you are familiar with meditation, you have probably learned that if you can do it on the cushion (i.e. in formal practice), you are better prepared to do it in real life with your colleagues, partner, friends, even strangers.

For the formal practice on the cushion I suggest two questions, I learned from Tara Brach:

1. What's happening inside me?

2. Can I be with it?

This is what we call mindfulness of emotions, i.e. present moment awareness with no judgement and without holding on to what we are experiencing. What helps in this process, is silently labelling your emotions (“this is anger”, “sadness arises” etc.) and then trying to let them go.

If strong emotions hit in real life, I have a different suggestion for you:

Do a silent (self-)compassion-break to interrupt the negative cycle.

If we are in a downward spiral with another person, (self-)compassion can interrupt the negative cycle and start an upward spiral instead. How does that work? Put a hand on your heart, feel the warmth of the hand, and be kind to yourself. You could say to yourself:

"This is a challenging situation.
We all experience things like this from time to time.
May I be kind to myself.
May I find a way to come back into balance and find a skillful way to deal with the situation."

Hence, we first need to attend to our own emotional needs to be able to think clearly and also to be able to attend to others' needs. If we care for ourselves, we automatically calm our heart and mind, and often this also has an effect on the other person who will also feel calmed and soothed, because our nervous systems talk with each other. This way, equanimity gives us the emotional space to be compassionate with ourselves and others.

My conclusion: There is no mental balance without balance of the heart and vice versa. This is why the concepts of loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity are so interdependent. You cannot stand on one foot for too long.

So, this is my invitation: If your head is overwhelmed, rely on your heart. And your mental state will naturally improve. Studies show that. This way you come back into your balance, create well-being, and out of this state, flourishing, and prosocial behaviour is literally becoming a no-brainer.

If you interested in more teachings like this, join us for no cost in our monthly free drop-in classes each first Friday of the month at 12pm ET (Eastern Time/US) | 6pm CET (Central European Time/Germany). You can join anonymously, Michael Ferguson and I will be the only ones to be seen on the screen. The link for participation will be communicated here: www.myleaderjourney.de/events

#equanimity #balance #compassion #self-compassion #meditation #MyLeaderJourney #FirstFridayLKM